A Collection of City Thoughts

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

to the wind

Last spring I left my laptop in the back of a cab. I was doing too many things. Arguing with someone on the phone. Fumbling through my black-hole-of-a-purse. Trying to pay my fare in the dark.

I just left it sitting there.

Never saw it again.

It literally contained the archive of my whole life (or at least anything I produced from the age of 20 to 26: pretty much my whole life). Everything you could possibly not want to lose I lost in the back of that cab: essays, photographs (some seriously private photographs), short stories, ideas I'd never show anyone, financial documents, a year's worth of personal journals in the form of voice recordings. All these things I would never ever ever want anyone to see or hear.

Poof. Gone.

Someone out there knows way too much about me.

I decided rather than hate myself for the mistake, I would instead take comfort in knowing that I had finally released all the things & secrets & thoughts I had been stockpiling all these years.

To the wind.

I am not the type to write a blog, least of all a blog about myself. I am the type to hide things away in secret compartments and buried files on my hard drive.

I am trying something different here.

There's something strangely satisfying about it all.

In the knowing and not knowing whose reading my thoughts.